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On Imams and Chicken Runs

The theme for this tradeshow season is – “Shippers, are you leaving money on the table?”

To drive the point home, we heap world banknotes on a table until they’re strewn over the floor. The attraction is simple – money.

The simple point is – if you’re not using Direct-Recovery’s parcel audit, you’re leaving money on the table. What this has to do with Zimbabwean Dollars, Iranian Rials, Iraqi Dinar, Cambodian .. and Chinese .. is less clear, so I should probably explain. It really has very little to do with parcel audits.. but it does get attention.

Why world banknotes?
For perhaps a few years, banknotes from banana republics are cheaper than US Dollars, so we could run our show special: Run a 30-day trial, and get $10,000,000,000. USD’s are just out of our range.

I also figured mounting a table high with US Dollars would be too great a temptation to keep thieving hands at bay. I was wrong. Foreign currency has the same appeal. To the two who made off with bundles of Iraqui Dinar — I’d like it back, please.

More importantly, stacks of world currency draw people in so we’re able to communicate the mundane intricacies of parcel auditing, and then pontificate on the future of the world. People are interesting. Some of the highlights:

Iranian banknotes attract Iranians. One lady saw the 100 Rial note – “I want to spit on him. He ruined our country. They all ruined our country, and now we have Ahmadinajad. Aaaarrrrggghhh!” For the record, the Imam on this note is Ayatollah Sayyid Hassan Modarres, A Shia Cleric who died in 1937. I think our bill spitter was seeing a more recent despot. It turns out, at least with this crowd, any with an ‘Ayatollah’ in their name aren’t too popular, owing to the wreckage they contributed to the homeland.

On that note, here’s an interesting tidbit from a former gov’t official. During the Shah’s tenure the US provided Iran with a sophisticated Web Press which was to be used to print Rubles to flood the Russian economy to speed its collapse. It turns out, the Russian economy was already in a state of collapse, and so was the Shaw. In recent years that same webpress has been used by Iran to print older $100 to flood into our own currency. But of course, the Fed is already flooding US economy, so take that, Iran.

Another attendee saw the stack of $10 Trillion notes from Zimbabwea and lit up. She spent her first 30 years in Southern Africa and took part in the infamous ‘chicken run’. Farmers in Zambia fled for Zimbabwe when Zambia turned sour, then fled again for South Africa when Zimbabwe turned with Mugabe. Now she’s 20 years in America, but still very African at heart, as are most who’ve tasted the sweetness of the continent.
So what did Mugabe do when he couldn’t fit any more zeroes on the banknotes? Drop 15 of them and start over. I believe the $100Trillion Zim note is the highest denomination in the history of mankind – not much to boast about.

What does this have to do with parcel auditing? Less than nothing, which is why it’s so delightful. Leave the parcel audit to Direct-Recovery. It’s a nuisance, but it’s what we do best, so we stay at it. Spend your time doing something more fun, more productive, and more rewarding. You’ll thank us in the end. Life is short. Outsource.

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